THE BEER PRAYER
Our Lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk?), at home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not to incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager,
Forever and ever...
Barmen
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Types of Beer
 All beer can be classified as either a lager or an ale.
 The differences begin during the brewing process. Whether the beer is an ale or lager is defined by the type of yeast used in the brew and the temperature at which fermentation takes place.
 Ales are brewed with top-fermenting yeast which allows for rapid fermentation at warmer temperatures;
 Lagers are brewed with bottom-fermenting yeast which ferments more slowly and at colder temperatures.
Lagers
 Lager means to store or put aside.
 This beer is made with bottom yeast, so-called because it flocculates to the bottom of the vat.
 Traditionally bottom yeast will ferment at cold temperatures less than 50 deg F. Now fermentation takes place at 54 to 66 deg F. This cold or deep fermentation allows the malt and hops to assert their fine flavours.
 Lager tends to be paler, drier and less alcoholic than ales.
 Pilsener or pils beer originated in Bohemia where brewers first found beer that was over-wintered or lagered improved if stored in cool caves and kept on ice.
 German lagers, including beers such as bock and marzen, are made according to the Bavarian Purity Laws of 1516 to ensure the beer is all-malt (no sugar) and hopped with bitter and aromatic varieties (noble hops).
 Some German-style beers are described as "helles" meaning pale or blonde. Pale beers grew in popularity following the adoption of the glass for drinking in the 19th Century.
Ales
 Ales are brewed with top-fermenting yeasts at temperatures from 58 to 78 deg F.
 Ales are matured for shorter periods and at warmer temperatures.
 Ales include a wide range of beer styles from porters and stouts to pale ales and wheat beer.
 Generally, ales are higher in alcohol, more robust and complex than lagers.
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 Facts about Beer
 Moderate consumption of beers, wines and spirits in contrast to heavy drinking or abstinence has been shown in many studies throughout the world to be protective against cardiovascular diseases such as heart attack and some forms of stroke.
 Beer is made from wholesome ingredients: malt, hops, yeast and water. All these materials have natural components which contribute to a healthy, balanced diet.
 Beer is 93 per cent water and is an enjoyable means of taking this essential substance. Beer is a thirst-quenching long drink which is relatively low in alcohol.
 Beer can be part of a balanced diet, providing essential vitamins and minerals. In particular it has a beneficial balance of minerals. It is high in potassium and low in sodium - the right balance for healthy (low) blood pressure.
 Beer is low in calcium and rich in magnesium which may help to protect against gallstones and kidney stone formation. Additionally hops contain active compounds which prevent the removal of calcium from bones. This may be one reason why daily consumption of beer (a 330ml bottle (just less than a 12 fl. oz. bottle) of 4.5% abv) has been shown to reduce the risk of kidney stones by 40 per cent.
 It has been reported that drinking beer may provide protection from the organism (Helicobacter pylori) known to cause stomach ulcers and which may be a risk factor for stomach cancer.
 Beer is also a source of soluble fibre which is derived from the cell walls of malted barley. A litre of beer contains an average of 20 percent of the recommended daily intake of fibre and some beers can provide up to 60%. As well as aiding a healthy bowel function, this has a further benefit by slowing down the digestion and absorption of food and reducing cholesterol levels which may help to reduce the risk of heart disease.
 In the late 1800's, there were nearly 3000 breweries in America. Most went out of business during Prohibition, and the few survivors were quickly gobbled up by the larger breweries which were embarking on the "bigger is better" mentality of the mid 1900's.
 In the late 1970's there were less than 50 breweries in America.
 At dawn of the new Millenium there are well over 1500 operating breweries in America! ( Hurray!)
 There are only four legitimate ingredients (water, barley, hops & yeast) allowed in beer according to the Bavarian Purity Law of 1516, known as "Reinheitsgebot. This law is commonly accepted to be the world's first "consumer protection" law. The exception to the rule is wheat, which is used in making a hefeweizen (German wheat beer --- pronounced "hay-fa-vitsen").
 Almost every single one of the beers you grew up with in the US adds adjuncts (rice and/or corn) to their beer to make it lighter and less aggressive in flavor, in order to appeal to the masses. This includes our big US breweries, as well as most European, Canadian, Australian, Mexican and Japanese imports. These adjunct beers would literally be illegal in Germany. Many of the imports actually reformulate their beers and add adjuncts (which are cheaper than barley malt) for the US market. Quoting from the spring 1997 newsletter from the Mendocino Brewing Company: "In this country (USA), it is legal for a brewery to introduce up to 48 additives and 4 adjuncts, and still call its beer "Pure," --- and fourteen carat gold must be not less than twelve carats. Go figure."
 Beer is a fresh food product. It is meant to be consumed within a short period of time from when it is produced. The exact amount of time a beer can stay fresh depends on the style* of beer and the conditions under which it is stored. Every large American brewery uses flavor damaging techniques such as adding preservatives or Pasteurizing their beer to add shelf-life. In addition to age, heat and light are also very damaging to beer.
*A select few styles are best when aged, rather than "fresh."
 Bottle color has an impact on the flavor of the beer. One of the fastest ways to destroy a beer's flavor is to expose it to sunlight, and even indirect sunlight and fluorescent light is highly damaging. No brewer in the world will argue this fact. Brown bottles protect beer from damaging light the best. Green bottles do not protect beer well at all, and clear bottles offer even less protection. Nevertheless, the marketing departments of many beer companies have decided that a green or clear bottle suits the "image" of the beer, even though flavor suffers dramatically as an effect. There are chemical stabilizers that can be added to beer to minimize the effects light has through a green or clear bottle, and this is the technique that the many brewers employ so that they can keep their marketing departments happy. The 2nd most popular imported beer that comes to the US in green bottles can pretty much only be found in its native country in brown bottles (maybe they decided that over there flavor is more important than marketing).
 A "contract beer" is a beer made by an existing brewery for another company which does not have their own brewing facility, or their facility is too small to meet production. Often, a contract brewing company only consists of an office and some labels. The Sam Adams brand is an example of a contract beer, with their beer brewed at large facilities in several locations in America, which have included the huge Blitz-Weinhard brewery in Portland, OR (closed in 1999), the massive Pittsburgh Brewery in Pittsburgh, PA, Stroh Breweries (sold to Miller in 1999), and other large "second tier" breweries whose own brands are in decline and thus have excess capacity. Other "contract brewed" brands have included: Pete's Wicked Ale (also once brewed at Stroh's), Spanish Peaks Black Dog brands, Dock Street, Oregon Ales (which is owned by Sam Adams & brewed in Cincinatti, OH), and Karl Strauss. Many of the contract brewing companies cleverly word their advertising and labels to appear as if they actually make their own beer. Some contract brewed brands more accurately state on their label "Brewed and bottled for the _____ Brewing Co. under special agreement by the _____ Brewery". Some people believe that a contract brewed beer can never taste the same as the original. Some people feel that the general public cannot tell the difference and does not care.
 If you want to know where a bottle of beer was made, it is often impossible to tell from the label. A loophole in the labeling laws allows some brands to list a state or town on their label even though the beer is produced by another brewery states away.
 According to the Institute for Brewing Studies (IBS), the term "Microbrewery" is commonly accepted in the brewing community as designating a brewery that produces less than 15,000 barrels of beer annually. Most microbreweries do not have a pub or a restaurant, and concentrate solely on brewing. The term "Microbrewery" is not a legal definition, and as such, the world's largest breweries could legally advertise themselves as "Microbreweries." There are some contract brewed brands --- that have no brewery of their own --- that market themselves as a "Microbrewery."
 When a microbrewery grows beyond 15,000 barrels of beer annually, it is reclassified as a "Regional Specialty Brewery." Excellent California breweries such as Anchor Brewing of San Francisco, CA, Anderson Valley of Boonville, CA, and Sierra Nevada of Chico, CA, are all examples of regional specialty breweries.
 The terms "Brewpub" or "Brewery Restaurant" refer to establishments that brew beer principally for on-site consumption in their own bar or restaurant. When a brewpub or brewery restaurant begins selling more than 50% of their beer off-site, it is reclassified as a microbrewery.
 Anheuser-Busch, the largest manufacturer of beer in the world, produced over 100 million barrels of beer in 2000. A-B has breweries located all over the world.
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Drink for a Better Nation!
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.
So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. Alert all of your friends, acquaintances and coworkers that may be in danger of losing their edge.
What more can we do??
Raise your mugs with me and drink!!
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Remember when oat bran was sweeping the nation? Now comes beer.
At least, that's my prediction. Beer here, beer there, beer muffins, beer bagels, low-fat vanilla beergurt - the works.
Ever since the press pounced on two huge studies showing that a beer a day keeps the doctor away - or at least keeps him in his office while the beer drinker is at the local bar, sliding under the table, far from any white-coated professional who could give his liver a poke and start a gusher - yes, ever since beer became the healthiest thing since sliced wheatberry bread with extra grit, a revolution has been brewing.
The studies showed that moderate beer consumption may trump moderate wine consumption when it comes to staving off heart attacks, hypertension, diabetes, dementia and snobs.
A swig of the humble suds also may boost your good cholesterol and ward off strokes. It may even promote bone density instead of just the usual density ascribed to beer drinkers.
The National Beer Wholesalers Association is so psyched about these developments that it recently held a seminar for its distributors on "Health and Beer."
With things coming to such a head for the golden brew, I can see an amber wave of beer-added products sure to hit our health-crazed nation soon. Stuff like:
Gatorale: What athletes drink when they're losing.
Buditos: Pre-moistened chips that taste like they already fell into your drink.
Beerios: Parda thish nutrishush breakfish.
Keg McMuffin: You deserve a break today - starting on the way to work.
Beer Bellies: Tiny jelly beans that come in every flavor, from Amstel Lite to Dinkel Acker Dark.
Schlitz Crackers: Everything tastes better when it sits with a Schlitz.
Corona Crispies: Free lime wedge inside!
Doan's Little Pilsner: Twice as effective as Doan's little pills.
Pabst Blue Bonnet Margarine: If you think it's butter but it's not, it's really a yellow candle - lit - you've been enjoying Pabst Blue Bonnet Margarine.
Betty Crocked: You'd get blitzed, too, if you spent 60 years pushing cake mix in pearls.
Golden Coke: Everything goes better with this bubbly brew.
Miller Sprite: Tastes bad and it's filling. But heck, the kids are out cold on Golden Coke, so you've got the afternoon free. It's Miller Sprite time.
Sunsweet Cold Filtered Prunes: They're not just for grandma anymore.
Newman's Own Roasted Garlic 'n' Parmesan Ale: Fancy, overpriced, liberal, do-good salad dressing/aperitif that knocks the socks off Wishbone Yeasty Italian.
'Nilla Schaeffer's: From the malt shop to you.
Malt Disney: A variety of beer-based kiddie snacks from a very desperate Michael Eisner.
Stout Fast: Provides 100% of the empty calories Slim Fast users crave.
Nestle's Hic: Makes milk better. Waaaaaay better.
Michelobotomy: Though the head is missing on this new health drink, it's what wage earners want at the end of the day.
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